Log in

17 April 2014 @ 11:23 am
In life no where to settle down
In my humble point of view
Ever fleeting rite it of passage
As a ghost I pass rite through

Everything I came to had know
Every feeling I could ever show
Simply comes down to nothing
Time now simply moves to slow

Sedated in it's own wake
Memories of the love embrace
Wishing it came back forever
The feeling of bliss upon face

At this rate I came to realize
My loyalty was like a fire
Burning bright and ever on
Symbolic of my hearts desire

There's no words in the universe
To show what it meant to me
Giving me a reason for breathing
The power to make a blind man see

Every morning I lay my head
Birds sing blissful in the dawn
People laughing people crying
Hear the world outside go on

Inside my self a prison
Empty cells make up my heart
Not a way out I see no door
Losing my pride tore me apart

The past was filled with smiles
Every breath a gift of grace
I was once a person in the world
Who felt like I found my place

Like those birds upon the sky
As a proud eagle I flew so high
Love kept me above it all
The hardest thing to say goodbye

Loves a great power but a mystery
The happiest force in life
Can take you to new heights
Or rip you up like a knife

They say that life goes on
Many more fish in the sea
For there's one thing I know
Love was comforting to me

Now nothing left deep inside
Except that love once my guide
Missing it walking by my side
Radiance to life It did provide

Now I am a two way mirror
There's just is no other side
Soul evacuated and fleeting
A man defeated without pride
02 April 2014 @ 10:57 am
I the fictious palisade
Comformist for peace
Mirror of harmony
Projection of joviality

anamorphosis of reality
The chameleon projection

The alias but a Forgery
Perception of vanity
Bested ego in disjunction

Dementia the undercurrent
Mind and soul fragmented

An opaque puddle
Squandered in the sea of life.
23 March 2014 @ 05:08 am
Dear universe.

I've had many years to think about what I want, and what made me complete. I was told to write a storyboard of what is ideal for me.

In the next 6 months, before my 31st birthday, I would like to go back home and live in Vancouver, Wa. The lowest humidity and better air and scenery of the area will enlighten my spirit more to do what I want to do.

I would like to continue writing my book, wherever that journey takes me.

One day I would like to do a video blog for astrology and have the most success I can by helping people understand themselves and live better more higher vibration filled lives.

I would like to meet my soul mate by my birthday.

I believe I already have met her in my life, and I wish more then anything it can work. I miss her, feel incomplete without her.

When I was very young I was abused and abandoned and did not allow the relationship to pan out because I was held down in in lower vibration plain of thinking. This was not my fault, and not I am older and realize this and wish to move forward.

I am older, wiser, and more humble. The last few months have given me insight to my mistakes and my biggest downfalls. I did not allow to live on a higher plane of being because of self esteem issues, and I am ready to change that for good.

Grant me the chance. I have tremendous will power to make anything work, and I have before and will again.
03 March 2014 @ 11:10 pm
With the coming age of Aquarius, I feel good about some things and bad.  The Aquarian energy doesn't mind shedding ego for the great good. However it has its prices.  Every age has it's upsides and downsides.  Every age has it's positive and negative, as I believe the universe and natural energy work on a yin and yang effect.

Plus sides of the age of Aquarius : better technology.  Longer life spans and increase in genetics to propel humanity and a self controlled evolutionary path.  Cures for chronic conditions like cancer, diabetes.  more unification. Understanding and acceptance. Information is free.
More safety, and people will partner more for love then responsibility. More socialist government to take care of everyone.  Third world countries will be picked up, but nations high on the chain will drop down.  Cities will become more efficient.  The rising cost of natural resources will be debunked a bit by the packing of people into larger areas.

More efficiency in the work environment.  Production will become a promise without interruptions.  The further development of the internet will make seeking information easier.  Robots will become more and more mainstream and do the things regular people can't.  They will increase productivity for companies.

Downsides : loss of identity, freedom, humanity.  Economy goes south.  The gap between the rich and the poor may be substantial under current money ideals.  Little to differentiate people apart from one another to free information.  People may need to partner less, as the need for one another decreases due to a social government taking care of needs.  Eugenics May limit the ability to reproduce, and a "takes a village to raise a child" attitude may adapt since aquarian energy wants to take care of all.

Dictatorship possible, even when everyone will subconsciously agree to it.  Mega adjustment in humanity through eugenics over long periods of humanity probably will occur.  Population will decrease over a long period due to "combing out" undesirable DNA and traits through eugenics.

Mass war, disease  (plague?) and death may be possible due to people living in major city centers. Do the wide gap in the rich and poor, cities might have high crime rates.  Eventually you may high upper rich class, and people in slums.  The rich people may own companies, while what was once a functioning middle and lower class reduced to poverty thanks to robotics taking all the work. Even with the rich helping take care of those less fortunate, the aloff-ness in emotional bonding may cause rifts between the classes.  People need a reason to live, work and feeling special provide that.  Two things that might be deleted by the Age of Aquarius.
01 March 2014 @ 06:09 pm
I believe "core self" doesn't form in child hood. Our natal birth charts are the foundation of our soul.
As we go threw life, our environment either agrees or disagrees with our core self/self.
I truly have come to believe a majority of mental illness comes from rejection in some form or another.
If someones Core self/Soul is not nurtured and they never feel comfort in their environment, then perhaps this explains personality disorders and other mental disorders.
When we are children, the world is infinite to us because we perceive the world through transcendence (our higher calling, soul.)  However as we find conflicts in society and communities around us we are limited.
08 February 2014 @ 10:50 am
Ever get the idea swirl around in your head like a ballet of dances at swan lake. That idea where you have to be completely perfect for anyone to listen to you?  Or you must be fake and phony to get anyone to care.

Yes my life is going well.

Yes Im living all my dreams.

Yes I am radiating positive vibes like the sun warms our planet with endless rays of vitaman d and warmth.

And poof, just like that.

Your awake again.

It's 11 am and it was yesterdays 11 am and tomorrows too.
08 February 2014 @ 08:44 am
Periodically I get this...strange need to get rid of my things.

I like to sell them off, or return what I can so I can get the money and give it to someone who can love something.  Or someone who has a chance at life.

I look at own existence and realize I can only be distracted so much.  I keep repeating a cycle and spending money on myself, only never to feel any different about my life.  I get a small sensation of power that comes spending and having relevance when I pursue these minor achievements of ownership.

I feel unheard, and unhappy, with nothing to offer.

All that's left for me is to reinforce my own sense of loneliness with constant narcissistic need to complain and create drama because my life is empty.
Who are we to become?  What is our defining moments that make us the people we are or will become?

I comb my past over finely to see what it is that I am missing.  Some people choose their career based on things that inspire them.  I am missing inspiration from my past.  Or, I fear things I was inspired by simply just aren't worthwhile.

Making money is nice, but the prospect of doing something that matters appeals more.  I used to love to write when I was young in my teenage days, but a barrage of abuses tied with it led for me to give it up.

I just can't think of anything to write about.  I'm not inspired out here at all.
Is it awareness from commercials and print media that makes mental illness so "marketable" nowdays.

It would be easy to say so, but I think alot of factors contribute to it.

For one thing I grew up in a generation Y, which has been tagged the "narcissism generation."  Everything is about you, but there is so little actual sense of community or even friendship I feel sometimes.  Even when I have made friends in my life, they seem to be single serving shallow what have you types.  At best, If I am worth using at the time, I may hold on to a friend a little longer.

It's very rare you actually get someone to just "listen" anymore.  If you tell someone you are depressed, all you get in return is a saying that goes something like this ; "see your doctor, a prescription will help you."

It was so much easier when you were a kid because your peers either had time to listen, or didn't let the weight of the world brush them down into uncaring narcissists.  I realized after I turned 30 recently that my generation has some of the poorest collective attitude i've ever seen, and they never "fret" or get in each others faces about it.  It's just kind of hovering, a crescendo of people silently making note of how being guarded and living for themselves is a viable solution to dealing with living.

Meanwhile, maybe eventually Ill give in and take those meds again so at least I don't think anything about where I am.

It was just so much easier being dumb and naive.
17 June 2013 @ 01:44 am
I'm always told life is a matter of perspective. Change how I see things, things change with it.

My thoughts are so incomplete.